Total Drama News Channel
by Fluffy Otters
Summary: Alejandro, Duncan, and possibly a couple of other characters host a news channel and talk about politics, philosophy, the world, current events, and things just in general.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Total Drama Character's and to protect myself nor do I claim their political views necessarily reflect mine, kind of. They might, but they don't necessarily.

Author's Note: I just know someone somewhere is going to get mad. So if someone does that's okay but don't flame me, flame them. I'm just exposing the political news resport. And a news style script format seemed interesting.

Duncan: Hello everyone and welcome to this week's news broadcast/political discussion/some sort of rant complaining show. Normally I would never appear on such things but due to a certain clause in the Total Drama Contract, I'm apparently "obligated" to discuss politics and world views and such.

Alejandro: You can stop pretending you know. Everyone here knows how much you're thrilled to do this, venting on and on and complaining about how much adults suck and sharing your ideological ideas to a captive audience that's tied in their seats. And I mean that literally. All the other Total Drama crew is a captive audience tied in their seats not allowed to leave until it's all over.

Duncan: Is that so wrong?

Audience: *Cricket chirps*

Duncan: Boo you people are no fun. So what is on today's agenda Alejandro? And how did I get paired up with you?

Alejandro: Because we are the most attractive and intellectual among this group of peons.

Courtney: Duncan? Intellectual? Don't make me laugh! That is the most absurd-*censor goes off and all she continues ranting in mute*

Duncan: Heh, that was fun. I wish I could have done that when I was still dating her. God, I can't believe that I actually dated her. I mean nag nag nag all the time, constantly complaining about something be it my hair, my habits, my writing, my driving, my friends, what I eat for breakfast and in general, my friends, my grades, and on and on and on. I can't believe I actually liked her!

Alejandro: There there, it's all over now. Unfortunately we will have to allow her to speak her "views" to maintain "balanced and equal" reporting or whatever but if she starts to go on personal ad hominem attacks, we can censor her again. If only one could only do that on real television. In fact, that will be our first topic. Censorship within the media and of political ideas.

Duncan: Free speech is good. I don't know if anything needs to be censored. I can get why maybe some things but…

Alejandro: I agree that the freedom to speak your mind and believe whatever idea you want is fine. However, there are some things that are just WRONG.

Duncan: So you don't like free speech? Somehow I figured that.

Alejandro: Free Speech would allow Courtney to say whatever she wants about you and force you to listen.

Duncan: Oh HELL NO. If that's what Free Speech is, I ain't taking that shit.

Alejandro: Exactly, and that's what I meant by sometimes things are just wrong. As we all know, Courtney is an insane power hungry obsessed-*bell goes off to cover the rest of Alejandro's sentence*-oh damn it the bell goes both ways. To maintain said "fair and balanced" reporting, I can't say anything about her true character without it being counted as "slander". Darn you rules, darn you! But anyhow, clearly mainstream media is controlled.

Duncan: Really?

Alejandro: Do you watch the news? All it is is "blah blah blah Terrorists or blah blah blah Obama blah blah blah Dems suck and the Republicans actually have a plan blah blah death panels blah blah socialism is evil!...ooh, American Idol"

Duncan: That doesn't seem censored.

Alejandro: It's all a bunch of phony baloney that somehow manages to miss the important stuff like the fact that America had been swindled and continued to be so by the banks and ruling elite and their imminent collapse is impending and they're basically fucked. On smaller scale, they repeatedly print lies and half-truths designed to slander people.

Duncan: You're not American, why do you care?

Alejandro: Just an observation really, it is best to remain detached from these things.

Duncan: Detached, really? That was SO detached.

Alejandro: Me, I'm going to put my money on China and India and Europe. And really, that is where the real money and American Businesses are.

Duncan: American businesses not in America?

Alejandro: Very much so. They exported most of their jobs to places like India, China, and anywhere that they could get cheap or slave labor to retain as much of their corporate profits as possible. But don't blame them; they're only doing what they're supposed to do, make as much money for themselves at the cheapest cost possible, never mind the ways done to do it.

Duncan: Isn't a good thing then if they're making money then? Sorry for the people in China and Indonesia and wherever but ignoring that, doesn't that make America wealthier?

Alejandro: Yes…and no. It'll make the corporations and rich wealthy stockholders wealthier but the country and its people….hahahaha, no. That's what "Free Trade" did on the global scale. By the way, that's how my family makes its money.

Duncan: And you're saying this because…?

Alejandro: I don't see why I shouldn't. It's perfectly legal and is the new ethical American standard.

Duncan: Wow, you must really hate Americans don't you?

Alejandro: Hate them? No, I love them! They're so easy to manipulate with their "individualism" and "freedoms". The freedom to be exploited and lied to is an excellent thing. Do I pity them? Absolutely. They're not really such a bad sort. Most of them politically and intellectually dumb as a sack of bricks and their politicians being much the same but they're a nice people.

Duncan: You just called them dumb as a sack of bricks.

Alejandro: What seems like 80+% of them? Yes, yes they are. Although maybe I mean straw.

Duncan: Straw?

Alejandro: Straw. Hey, did you hear that just because people don't have a brain that they still have things to say? Dumb people love to hear themselves talk.

Duncan: *under his breath* so do arrogant rich ones.

Alejandro: What was that? I didn't catch that.

Duncan: Nothing, nothing, go on.

Alejandro: Well, just because they're dumb doesn't mean they don't have a lot to say. It's called reality TV and being a politician.

Duncan: Wow, that was a terrible but true punch-line. Especially the politician part.

Alejandro: So you agree?

Duncan: Sadly, yes because when you got crazy politicians like Sarah Palin, those random Tea Party freaks who not only really are dumb and vote against their interests, and an extraordinary amount of war hawkish Republicans, it is no wonder the Americans are in that mess. Not that many of the Democrats are much better. Better in comparison and the crazies are definitely less, but some of them are also bad. My parents would be republicans.

Alejandro: What do you consider yourself to be?

Duncan: An anarchist.

Alejandro: I totally expected you to say that and you just did. Although some people find little difference between the "Republicans" and the "Democrats".

Duncan: Really?

Alejandro: Yes, many supposed Democrats are secretly Republican in disguise with the way they vote and political ideas and implementation. Really, the "centrist" and more right Democrats are an extension of the Republican-Lite. Still war crazy, shouting about Terrorists under every rock and Islam, religious right and traditional conservative, anti-abortion, etc. The rest of the Democrats are a bunch of cowards and spineless losers and appeasers who "compromise" with the enemy even though there is no way to miss what the Republican Party really wants to do to them. It's not like they don't continually say they will do whatever it takes to destroy Obama and the Democrats, no matter how much Democrats shred their values and plan into a useless watered down variant that is only just the slightest marginal better and on some occasions, worse than what's already there.

Duncan: So how do you feel about President Obama?

Alejandro: Eh, there could be worse Presidents, but short of Bush it's hard to find one. It's likely Obama will end up one of the Second Worst President's ever of the soon to be former United States. 1st Prize still goes to Bush. What's amazing is that some people still support the guy and actually want him back. Did they miss the last decade or something? Not only was he a bonifide idiot whose intelligence rating might even be below Lindsay's by some miracle, but he and his handlers legalized torture, not that it wasn't done before under the radar in subject countries but now it could do it with justification legally, shredded the constitution so it really was just a "goddamn piece of paper" that no one in realpolitik gives a darn about, put spying on its own citizens into official law with the Patriot Act and don't believe that they aren't abusing it, can declare anyone a "terrorist" and lock them away for life to never be seen again, etc. This was expanded by Obama which certainly does raise questions but it was started by Bush which some people have forgotten. However it is possible that the powers that be that REALLY run the country ordained their puppets Bush and Obama to not only shred the Constitution and the checks and balances (whatever remained) but also to turn the people against the "Liberals".

Duncan: So who's running the country then?

Alejandro: Who indeed is the question? The overarching answer suggests corporations and banks and the oligarchs and rich people who own the banks and corporations. In terms of individuals, nobody really knows but the type isn't hard to guess. But it doesn't really matter so much as who as it does…their state is failed.

Duncan: In what ways?

Alejandro: The government for one cannot adequately respond to disasters with reasonable efficiency. Take the hurricane Katrina flooding. The (later found out to already been known and unwisely or cruelly left in place regardless) levees had been old and unwieldy and could not handle the flood waters and burst. It took the government a ridiculously long time to act and they did such a horrible job at it that it was laughable. The US government was the LAST ones in and other countries had responded with aid much faster. And in dealing with other disasters, the government has been notoriously bad at and stingy for that matter. Also, there was that big Oil spill, the worst environmental disaster in history and they didn't even manage to prosecute the ones responsible and let the disaster to continuously go on and used a known toxic chemical known as Corexit which had been banned from numerous European countries for known toxic effects and environmental effects and used it to clean the oil, which would have ironically been better for the environment to evaporate naturally and done nothing. All it did was hide the oil so they could pretend to have done something. There was and probably still is a media blanket over the subject since numerous people who examined the waters were either arrested or had to do so secretly and oil had been found washed up miles away so they didn't clean it.

Duncan: Are you sure don't have something against the US government?

Alejandro: Yes, yes I do. They are the saddest bunch of wannabe dictators I have ever heard of. The only reason they're still around is they carry quite an awesome barrage of firepower behind them. But they're children playing with toys they don't understand. Why else they continually say nuclear strikes are "on the table" for nearly every damn crisis? At least they haven't gone full out nuclear yet, just depleted uranium and ruining the vitality of certain places of Iraq, Afghanistan, etc for decades and causing deformed babies and multiple health conditions associated with nuclear fallout.

Duncan: Wow, this is fascinating. I had no idea.

Alejandro: It's called the Internet. It's not that hard to find if anyone bothered to go out and look for news outside the lame main-stream media and government friendly stooges. Heck, just read foreign news and even the US friendly ones will tell more honestly than the US newspapers how things are going.

Duncan: What about the War on Terror? Surely getting those Terrorists makes everyone safer?

Alejandro: .

Duncan: What is so funny?

Alejandro: War on Terror. Just the very sound of that phrase is silly and makes me laugh.

Duncan: Terrorists are serious business.

Alejandro: That is true but it's not like the Americans really need to fear from them. Many people seem to have a misguided notion on what a terrorist is. Terrorists are people use who methods of inflicting terror to achieve political ends, like blowing up a building or whatever.

Duncan: And your point?

Alejandro: The point is that there is a political agenda behind their actions, not some irrational ridiculous thing on "hating your freedoms". But then again, that could be a true statement. They hate you for your freedom of allowing your government to do whatever the hell it wants to their country, indiscriminately murdering their citizens, stealing their natural resources, and getting away with it with no repercussions while they are thrown into jails, tortured, raped, and killed. They're freedom fighters.

Duncan: Huh?

Alejandro: Freedom Fighters, like the American's Revolution for Independence and various rebellions. It's all a matter of what side you're on if they're terrorists or heroes fighting off a monstrous hated invader. Like the Indians picking off American settlers, they eventually lost but they were fighting to halt the inevitable advance of the white man who destroyed them and their way of life and consigned them to live on miserable disease ridden reservations. Hamas the "Terrorist" organization according to the US and allies descriptions are terrorists. However, Hamas had and still was a genuinely people elected Palestinian party. Also, the US is notorious for supporting Terrorist and Dictator Camps that supported US interests and allowed the US to exploit the people and its resources. It's really quite hypocritical.

Duncan: Really?

Alejandro: Yes. Vietnam, the Taliban, the State of Israel, Chile, Nicaragua, Egypt, Tunisia, Afghanistan, Iraq, Guatemala, Congo Republic, Haiti, Brazil, Philippines, Cambodia, Guatemala, Indonesia, etc. They supported pro-western dictators and helped suppress real democracy and will of the people. When the US invades a country, it always does so in the name of "democracy and freedom" but what it really brings is exploitation, a puppet government, corruption, corporatism, and human right abuses. What I wonder is about the American soldiers. Are they really so brainwashed that they don't see what is truly going on or do they just not care? I can get people signing up to "defend the freedom" of their state and their "way of life" but there seems to be some disconnect in the stated goals and what they're doing, especially the main part of the military. And I don't know but there also seems to be a missing synapse between continual bomb bombardment and razing things to the ground somehow protecting Americans. What's even more odd is that America is involved with country's that pose no threat to it either in intentions or ability to even carry out the threat. Extreme retribution is taken out on the country America is "saving". A ratio of about 100 some Iraqis per American soldier/mercenary killed for example in the current Iraq war. Does that honestly make sense? Oh, and Al Qaida is non-existent now. So why are people still there? Because the American government has no intention of ever pulling out. The force is needed to continue to extract the oil and other resources and to kill the resistance to the Iraqi and Afghanistan enslavement or at least containment.

Duncan: *Checks watch* Oh darn it! We ran out of time! See you next time folks for your next news installment with Duncan and Alejandro!

Alejandro: You named it? And it's Alejandro and Duncan, not Duncan and Alejandro. I just did most of the talking.

Duncan: Whatever. Folks, see you next time!

Courtney: What? But I didn't even get to speak! How was that fair and balanced?

Duncan: Don't know, don't care, your opinion sucks anyhow and you'll get to do it next time. But for now…goodnight!

-Click, Broadcast ends.


End file.
